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Why Sleeping Dogs Lie

Posted by Louie, 01 February 2010 · 748 views

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The sensation was like having your underbelly scratched. I was devouring the tome on Xanderleus, the canine god. Who knew that canine mythology existed?

As the story goes, canines had gone from running in wild packs to eventually being domesticated. However, that wasn’t enough. Zues thought that that canines could go one step further in evolution. After conferring with Aprodite, a dog lover through and through, it was decided that dogs could develop consciousness. A super breed!

Xanderleus, Aprodite’s favorite dog, was sent down to begin recruiting and develop a new generation of dogs. The legion he developed, our ancestors, began to develop a society, of which we are the beneficiaries.

“Louie!,” a bark rang out. “Get your nose out of that book and come and meet a new recruit.”

I had been so overwhelmed and consumed by reading this book that I didn’t notice the others that were filling the room. Mea was playfully biting a puppy’s ear and was calling for me.

“I found someone who wanted to join the Beefy Snack Club,” Mea began as she looked on approvingly at the puppy. “She’s got spunk and even came up for an idea to call our members. She thinks Ponce de Leon Scouts works, in honor of the Fountain of Youth or wherever you think our consciousness derives from. Meet Mischa!”

I have to admit, I was wary at first. Mischa seemed awful young to be part of our group. While playful and spry, would she fit in?

“Nice to meet you, sir,” Mischa meekly said. She held her paw to shake with me. "Your reputation precedes you."

I stared at it. And stared at it. And stared at it.

“Well, aren’t you going to shake paws, Louie?” Mischa asked incredulously. “How rude! What a snob!”

It was at that moment that I had an “Euraka!” moment. I had never learned to shake paws. I never learned how to lift it when beckoned or to shake unless forced. I wasn’t an elitist, I just had never learned. But that means….

“Mischa, you’re a genius!,” I shouted out. “You just provided the missing puzzle piece. Of course you can be a member! Heck, if this theory works out, I’ll make you an honorary member!”

Mea and Mischa stared at me with blank looks. Or they may have thought I was crazy.

“Don’t you get it?,” I asked excitedly. “Don’t you get it? Never learned how to shake! I never learned how to shake!”

“Yeah, so,” Mea answered boorishly.

“It all ties back to Xanderleus and our ability to have consciousness!,” I quickly answered. “All the other dogs out there, the ones who aren’t like us, just haven’t learned to be like us. Don’t you see? They’re waiting to learn, yearning to be awakened. “

“You’re crazy,” Mea replied coldly. “Mischa, are you sure you want to be a part of this? Louie has gone bonkers. Let’s go play and leave Louie to his psychosis.”

“Wait a minute,” Mischa interrupted pushing Mea away before getting dragged off. “So other dogs are just sleeping then, awaiting an awakening, an enlightenment?”

“Exactly, my dear,” I said, delighting in the fact that this little pup cracked it open. “Our goal, our mission will be realize Xanderleus’ dream to awaken and bring consciousness to others. To no longer let sleeping dogs lie.”

After saying this, I leaned over and licked Mischa’s furrowed brow.

“I still think you’re bonkers, Louie,” Mea said while trotting out the door. “Let’s get back to having fun and not being so serious. Next thing you know, you’ll be looking for a holy grail. Or maybe it’ll be a holy drinking bowl!”

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Very fun reading tonight, Louie. I think you are in a harem with all these girls.
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